Like… Too Scared to face my fears

As of now, my entire life is made up of fear. I can say that with 100% certainty and to some extent that is comforting. At least I can say that I know where my starting point is and that is my friend, fear.

To be honest… I made my life harder for myself because that seemed easier that addressing the root of my discontent. So let’s lay it all out. In all its messiness… In all of its nuances… And give us a full slate to see where we are in terms of changing my life and building a life that I want to live.

• I’ve been too scared to address and affirm the fact that I do not ascribe to the roles of gender.

• I’ve been too scared to address and affirm that I am a sexual person who is interested in exploring eroticism and sensuality.

• I’ve been too scared to address and affirm my desire to feel acceptance, belonging and validation by other people.

• I’ve been too scared to address and affirm my interest in helping others while being financially stable.

• I’ve been too scared to address or even allow progressive thought toward what I want to do with my life professionally or simply just to make money.

• I’ve been too scared to address and affirm my need to be seen as a sexual, attractive, intelligent, competent & capable queer Black person

I doubt that this list is exhaustive, but I can say that neglecting these personal pillars if you will, has led me to be here… Living a life I never expected, didn’t plan for, do not want and cannot stand to have. Yes, I do know how I got here and now I am ready to get myself out.